Fiets-ing

I love that the Dutch word for bike is fiets (pronounced "feets"). It's like a cute way of saying "my bike is an extension of my body".

Ever since I moved here, I’ve been tempted to spend an afternoon in a café somewhere just to take photos of fietsers. But now I just found out that someone else has already gone and done it. His blog post is fantastic, as are the comments that follow it. Check it out: 82 Pictures of Bicycles Taken in 73 Minutes

There's still room for a sequel though, as he took his photos in a tourist area on a weekday, and I think there's more potential if you sit along Weteringschans on a Saturday afternoon. That's when everyone does their shopping by bike. I've seen people trying to bring home their new beanbag chairs, floor lamps, and houseplants. Most of the time, they seem to manage it with no problem at all (and anyway, I assume that the ones who are struggling are expats).

Just today, when I was biking home from work, I wished I had my camera around my neck to capture the guy biking in front of me. He was wearing a blue pinstriped suit and top hat and had the beard of a Hasidic jew. His bike panniers were crammed full, and he had a set of skis (or perhaps golf clubs? or pool cues?) slung across his back. There was also something very wide laid across his front wheel. As I got closer, I saw that it was a baby carriage basket. And as I passed him, I saw that the basket held a big brown droopy-faced dog.

It all confirms my belief that, if people-watching was a sport, then Amsterdam is the Olympic stadium.

"ick ben moo"

That's how you say "I'm tired" in Dutch. So what do the cows say then? The cows say "booooo". I also found out that a Dutch pig is a "big".

Whores are "hoeren", to rent something is "huuren", and to hear something is "hooren". So you have to be careful when you say: "Yeah, I hear that". If you're a man and you mispronounce "ja hoor" (which is actually a very common way of voicing agreement here in Holland), then you just might get pushed into the nearest canal.

Speaking of canals, to the Dutch, the Panama Canal is still a canal. But a canal in Amsterdam is actually a "gracht". You might also have a favorite "kanal" on television. And did you hear the one about the tourist who accidentally dropped his camera into one of Amsterdam's (famously dirty) canals? When he was finally able to fish his camera back out, the film was already developed.

Barumpdum.

Just a sampling of the many random things I learned last week at "the nuns course": the famous language school in the southern part of the Netherlands, which was founded by the Sisters of the Holy Order of St. Augustine. When my company first told me that they were sending me there, I pictured sleeping on a bare cot with a wooden cross hanging above it, stoically surviving on a diet of bread and water, moving silently through open courtyards, and studying rigorously from morning until night.

The only thing I got right was the last. It was indeed 5 days of intensive Dutch language learning, but we slept at a luxe hotel nearby, and every morning a bus picked us up at 8am and dropped us off at a modern new building with a very corporate feel. During our frequent coffee breaks, we were offered cappucinos, espressos, and fancy tea. During our afternoon snack breaks, the spreads included such delicacies as steak tartare and salmon mousse.

We had classes all day from 8:25am (the Dutch would literally say: "5 minutes before half 9 in the morning") until 7:15pm, at which point we were served a fabulous 3-course gourmet dinner accompanied by excellent wine until the bus returned to pick us up at 9pm. Back at the hotel, most of us would gather at the hotel bar and talk until after midnight.

While Americans were the biggest group, there were still only 5 of us learning Dutch. The rest were from: India, Taiwan, Germany, Finland, Libya, Sweden, Romania, Kyrgyzstan (okay, I'll admit I had to wikipedia that one), Chile, Uruguay, Australia, the UK, Scotland, and South Africa. There was also a large contingent of Dutchies learning Italian, French, Spanish, and German.

One of the Dutch guys who joined us a few times at the bar was a dairy engineer trainer. He asked me whether I knew that California had recently surpassed Wisconsin in the production of cheese. I told him that I didn't know that. "Well..." he said, "Wisconsin knows".

So how much Dutch did I actually learn? A lot. But still not enough. It's still a struggle to form sentences. I only started learning past tense on the last day, and my vocabulary is very limited. And I still don't get word order at all. Last night (back in Amsterdam), I tried to carry on an entire conversation in English, but using the Dutch word order. I was only able to handle about 5 minutes. I want Dutch really to learn but think I that explode my head will if it I try it too long to do. My friend claims that the language was invented by Yoda.

By the way, in Dutch, I could never say "my friend" unless I meant by that "my boyfriend". If I said "me and my 5 friends", I'd be admitting to leading quite a promiscuous lifestyle. I have to remember to say instead: "a friend" or "some friends".

Well it's now 8 minutes before half eleven at night (that is, 10:22pm), and I'm getting moo-er by the minute. Goodbye for now and "slaap lekker!"

All-American

Today at the local sandwich shop, I noticed that the special was "broodjes filet americain" for 3,50 euro. I figured what the hell, I'm an American so I'm sure I'll like it. I was imagining it would be a hamburger patty or something with velveeta. Instead I got a french bread roll with a rusty-orange colored goop inside. I've seen the same sandwich before in my office cafeteria but have been afraid to try it. The texture of the goop is not unlike diarrhea. I couldn't guess what it was, even after I had eaten the whole thing and liked it. And I certainly have never seen it in the good ole U.S. of A!

I asked my coworkers about "filet americain" later, and they told me it was pureed raw meat. None of them knew what gave it that weird orange color though. Maybe paprika? Wikipedia says that it's especially popular in Belgium, France, and Switzerland.

Perhaps it's called filet americain because the burnt orange color is like a sunburned American tourist? Any other theories?

Last week, a work colleague came to visit and ordered a "Hamburger American". This was the largest burger he had ever seen, and when he took the top bun off, he found a fried egg underneath it.

Then yesterday at work, someone told me that I dress very European. I said "how's that?" "Well" she said, "you don't wear your trousers up to here". She indicated somewhat around chest level.

I have to conclude that Europeans have some funny ideas about Americans. They're right about Bush though.