Chicken farts and other surreal moments

All of the following things happened today...

I could not bring myself to order the Surinamese sandwich with the filling which was translated into English on the menu as "chicken flatulence".

Coming home from the public library, suddenly the sun came out from behind a cloud and illuminated a little plastic bag on the ground, marked with a picture of a leaf with five fronds and full of a pungent green herb.

I went to an Israeli avant-garde dance performance and was mooned three times by Israeli avant-garde dancers.

Buon giorno (and arrivaderci) Italia!

Today we are taking a quick little drive over to Courmayeur in Italy via the Tunnel du Mont-Blanc.
The tunnel in itself is an adventure. It's almost 7 miles long. One-way tolls for cars are about 32 Euro (US $42.80). Trucks pay over $200 Euro. It saves that much time. So we get from the motel to the resort in about 15 minutes and from France to Italy in about 10.

Wow, I love listening to Italians speak. Even "Informazione" sounds romantic. I am tempted to scrap Dutch and study Italian instead. The "g" sound in Dutch is about the least attractive sound I've ever heard in my life (sorry Dutchies!)

We take a series of gondolas, "bubble cars", and chair lifts and then finally, the Arp gondola. You can ride the Arp to the summit to take in the view, but you can only ride down if you are with a guide.

The whole crew at the summit
(assuming that Dan is reflected in Johnny's sunglasses)
We traverse, ride a wide open bowl that must be heaven on a powder day (but is more like purgatory today -- eh), pick our way down in a steep couloir that is mostly avalanche debris and ice, and then skateboard for at least a mile on a flat road to the lodge.

After lunch, Joe and I decide to split off from the rest of the group. Too much combat zone, not enough surfing, for our tastes. We dump all of our gear off and spend the rest of the day on-piste.

After 4 straight days of hauling a huge kit on your back while boarding, it feels marvelous to ride light again.

One heli of a day

click photo to view web album

My first heli ride ever!

The intro to backcountry and the backcountry freeride groups were combined together, so there was 12 of us plus three guides. We drove about 2 hours to Switzerland to the heli pad. There was a single heli transporting us, and only 4 could fit in a heli, so the heli had to make 4 separate trips to get us all to the drop zone.

The first scary thing that happened: when we were already way up in the air, the passenger door opened. Luckily Johnny grabbed it right away and shut it, then gave a little shrug to our helicopter driver. Oops!

Second scary thing: When the last heli arrived, and its passengers were getting out, 2 of them were crouched low, but definitely headed up the hill towards us even though the heli hadn't taken off yet. Apparently, they hadn't been given any instructions by the guide who was now too busy securing their gear to notice them, and the sound of the motor running was too loud for them to hear us yelling at them to stop. Someone standing next to me was becoming increasingly emotional and started screaming "you morons! you complete idiots! you're going to get your f#$@ing head taken off!" You could see this really confused look on Ed's face; for all he knew, we were yelling at him to come closer. Finally, one of the guides ran towards the heli waving his arms and the guys got the message.

For those of you who might ever ride a helicopter in the future: if you're not landing on something you know is flat, like the roof of a building, don't walk away from the heli even if you are crouching low. It's especially hard to detect contour in snow.

I think Ed was having a run of bad luck because shortly after the helicopter incident, he and Tim collided and Tim's pack smacked Ed in the eye. Well, at least we were told to leave our crampons at home today!

Johnny had warned us a day ahead that the Pin was likely to be tracked and also that we'd have to climb ladders at some point. The latter warning persuaded Joe to stay home; he has a strong fear of heights. We did climb some ladders, but Johnny was wrong about the tracks. The whole day was virtually trackless, and it was amazing. Even though it hadn't snowed for days, the snow was in great shape.

At the end of the day, we have some drinks at a local bar, which unfortunately would only accept paper euros (no coins) so we all ended up overpaying. Then back in France, after quick showers, my group goes into town for some celebratory curry with some friends of Ed and Joe (apparently, "going out for some curry" is the thing to do in the UK; one would never say "let's go out for Indian food"). It's hilarious to see the reactions of Ed's friends when they see his purple eye.

Incidentally, the heli was a great bargain. For 130 Euro ($178.86 US), we got one all-day heli ride plus the services of three guides.

From the Midday Needle to the Sea of Ice

click on photo to view web album

This is one of the classic backcountry rides in Chamonix, comparable to doing Half Dome in Yosemite.

We started off the day by riding the gondola up to the L'Aguille du Midi, which is about 12,600 feet above sea level. Then we immediately put crampons on our feet, strapped our boards to our packs, and were roped together by Johnny so that we could inch slowly down a steep ridge with about 30 others who arrived on the same gondola.

We rode a bit and then stopped. The moment I had been dreading. More hiking! We put on snowshoes, and this time, we were all roped together. This, I hated more than anything. Roped together with 5 guys who were all taller and fitter than me. For the most part, I was breaking my own trail. Instead of being able to step in their snowshoe tracks, I was forced to walk 3 steps for their every 2 at a much faster pace than I'm used to.

Johnny's a nice guy, but calling him "impatient" would almost be an understatement. There is no resting when he's leading, and everyone is marching too fast to chat. When you break for lunch or the bathroom, you know that you can't be dilly-dallying; you have to be very efficient. Because the second you finish your sandwich, he'll be clicking into his skis, and you'll be thinking wistfully of the dessert that you didn't have time to eat.

So basically, within a short amount of time, the rope between Ed and me became very taut and the rope between Simon and me became very slack. In fact, poor Ed was practically dragging me up the hill half the time. I thought maybe I'd end up pulling him off his feet. But he's a big gentle guy and didn't complain once about it. I was so frustrated with the pace that by the time we had our lunch break, I could barely speak. I just ate and plotted ways I could drop out of this course and join the Technical Clinic instead.

We boarded down into the Mer de Glace, which is a large valley with a glacier creeping through it. This was the first time I have ever seen a glacier outside of a photo. It's weird how man-made objects usually have to be symmetrical and perfect to be considered attractive. A glacier *should* by all criteria be considered ugly. It's rough and random, not to mention the color of Windex and toilet bowl cleaner. Yet somehow, it was staggeringly beautiful.

We stopped to take photos, then continued along an ice bridge (huge crevasses along either side), twisted and turned around a lot of rocks, and ended up at one of the major tourist attractions in Chamonix for those who neither ski nor board...the Ice Caves. These are man-made caves, drilled into the glacier. One of the caves contained life-size wax figures of mountaineers in various tableux. It also featured a room where you can have your picture taken with a wax Saint-Bernard, who has the stereotypical barrel affixed to his collar.

Because there was no longer enough snow to ski out of the valley, we ended the day by hiking up a long wooden staircase attached to the cliff walls. As we went up, we had to steer around tourists in jeans and sweatshirts and their passels of kids strolling down to view the caves. At the top, we waited in line for a cable car that took us to the train station. From there, we took a train back to the hotel for a well-deserved beer and a rest in front of the telly to watch a rugby game. The Brits had to interpret of course, especially as much of rugby consists of players throwing the ball backwards.

A humble start

that's me holding up the line
At 8:45 I am downstairs lining up to get my lunch, my lift pass, and my gear: a backpack, a pair of evil-looking crampons, red plastic snowshoes, a shovel with detachable handle, collapsible ski poles, Ortovox transceiver, and climbing harness with a short rope and carabiner attached.

By later in the week, I realize that just about everywhere we go in Chamonix, this is the basic kit that everyone carries -- and many people carry more. It is not uncommon to go the bar apres-ski and see 3/4 of the clientele still wearing their transceivers with the lights still blinking (you know, just in case the bar gets avalanched). I also learn at some point that locals in Chamonix typically consider themselves rock climbers and mountaineers first. The skiing is something they just do in the winter to keep themselves busy. Deaths are really common here; over 100 a year. There are so many dangers that it is always recommended that you go with a guide when riding even a little bit off-piste. Besides the already mentioned avalanches, there are collapsing seracs, crevasses hidden under thin ice or a crust of snow, falling rocks, and sometimes bad weather. At least we didn't have the worry about the last danger; it was sunny and warm all week.

But I am getting ahead of myself. It's still Day 1. And I have not a clue what I'm doing.

We get a quick lesson in donning the transceivers and making sure they were transmitting. Then we pile into the vans and are off to Le Tour. The rest of the day is all a bit blurry.

Let's see...there was my first button lift ride: where you have to put this plastic disk attached to a long metal pole between your legs and then it drags you up the hill. It took me three tries to get myself moving on the lift; for the third try, the lift operator came out of the booth to help me. Merci beaucoup, cute French liftie!

There was a long mostly uphill walk in snowshoes, when I first remembered thinking "I'm not sure if I'm going to survive this week." It was also the tenth time I remember thinking "I'm not sure if I'm going to survive this week." I've had way too many weeks of no gym membership and being pampered with home-cooked feasts at my sister-in-law's house.

From 'Dam to Cham

After 2 hard weeks of work in Amsterdam, I'm ready for a vacation!

Ha. Actually I had signed up for this McNab Snowboarding course back in November, when I had heard that there were only a few places left, and when I had thought I would be arriving in Amsterdam on January 9 (instead of 6 weeks later, due to working permit snafus). It's a week-long course held in Chamonix, with the same outfit who runs the freestyle camp I took 2 years ago in Les Deux Alpes.

Anyway, lugged my board bag & backpack a few blocks to Central Station, then hopped a train to Schipol airport. Wow, the train station is directly underneath Schipol. You get off the train and go up the escalator and hello!, you're right there in the terminal already.

It's a mere one hour flight to Geneva but it is at least an hour before I get out of customs and find my shuttle driver. Then we wait another 1.5 hours for other passengers to arrive and drive an hour to the motel. Hmm...perhaps I should have taken the train direct!

Arrived too late to really see the town or mountains, but just in time for dinner. I meet 3 other McNabbers.

Dick is a game warden and married, but one of his relationship quirks is that he and his wife never take vacations together. Apparently, they get along better that way. He's taking the Backcountry Freeride course, which is considered level 2, the course you would take if you survived Intro to Backcountry, which is what I am signed up for.

Joe is in Cham for the entire season, honing his skillz. I am jealous. I would almost certainly have been doing the same thing in Tahoe, if I hadn't decided to go to Amsterdam instead. Then again, if that were the case, I wouldn't be experiencing Cham in all its glam and glory. We find out that we'll be in the Intro course together.

Kat is my roommate for the week and a journalist with a ski and snowboard magazine in the UK. She was there to write an article about her course, the Technical Clinic. So that means that her course is paid by the magazine. I also find out later that all of gear and clothes are on loan to her from various snowboarding companies. Nice life!

After dinner, we separate by course and meet the people we are going to be snowboarding with for the next 5 days. There are only 5 other people in my group and they are all very fit-looking guys. Everyone has at least some of their own gear already, except for me. I am a bit nervous about this. Hey I thought it was an intro class! We agree to meet in the lobby at 8:45am, and everyone goes off right to bed. I can already tell that this is going to be nothing like the easygoing freestyle camp.

Amsterdam is wet

Photos from my temporary residence at 118 Singel, clockwise from left: kitchen, living room, bedroom, looking down the stairs from the bedroom

The place I'm staying is very Dutch. Usually when I'm indoors in the US, I don't have a sense of geographical location because I could really be anyplace. But my place is right on one of the canals. There are three tall glass windows in the living room, so I have a great view of other old Amsterdam buildings and the water, which they light up at night and it is gorgeous. The stairs are narrow and tight. I still get vertigo climbing up and down to my bedroom.

I just found a permanent place, which only took one day -- and really I'm not sure if I could have afforded to spend any more time than that to look. It's nice and modern, smaller than my old place, mostly furnished and in an ideal location. If I look out the front windows to one side I see a canal, to the other side, the tram stop. Across the street is a gym (but I hear memberships are really expensive compared to the US). I'm a few blocks from the train stop that will take me to work in about 15 minutes. And also a few blocks north of Albert Cuypmarkt, which is the main open-air market here for produce & cheap clothes/jewelry/etc. I probably won't move though for at least 2 weeks. The contract still has to be negotiated and I'm off to Chamonix on Saturday.

Work has been absolutely crazy because there's only one guy who's been handling everything. Two of us have to be trained. But he's too busy to train us properly. His girlfriend is due in a few weeks, at which point he will take 2 weeks off, and I'm just crossing my fingers that the baby will not arrive early. In the meantime, I'm having to come up with contingency plans for everything that might happen while I am gone next week, and then while he is gone as well. I am also gone next week for full two days to give some presentations at workshops. These should go well. But basically what I'm trying to say is that I haven't had much time to breathe.

I've picked up a few Dutch words here and there, but I feel kind of dumb using them when really and truly EVERYONE here speaks English. Even then guys who come around at night to clean out the wastebaskets. My favorite word so far is "prima". It means pretty much better than okay. As in when you arrive at the mountain on a Wednesday morning after it's been snowing all night and hardly anyone's there and all you see is untracked snow. That's when you say "prima!" But it may just be an Italian word that the Dutch happen to use a lot, I'm not sure. In June, the company is planning to send us Americans to a full-week intensive Dutch course at a convent in the south of Holland. So we will be studying Dutch 10 hours a day with the nuns. Hallelujah!

The relocation process over all has been very rocky at best, with lots of misunderstandings and delays, paperwork getting lost, and that kind of thing. And my god, it rains a LOT here. I really need a much sturdier umbrella. I have one somewhere, but it still needs to clear customs! But I have to say that my coworkers and direct reports have been absolutely fantastic so far. And this weekend I'll be heading to Cham for a full week of backcountry boarding with the Brits. That should be a jolly good adventure...

As soon as I get back to Amsterdam and am moved in, I'll be shopping around for a nice sofa bed so I can accomodate some visitors (hint, hint) Hope everyone's doing well. I heard about the epic pow...yeah...I knew that would happen as soon as I left town!